Today is a historical day for my daughter 2DD and for me. I am truly proud of both of us! 2DD did not go to daycare nor did she have a babysitter. She was born and bred at home by her mama. There was not one night she spent apart from me. She was very clingy for a long time and would not go to strangers at all. During consultation visits (in the Netherlands, there are no regular visits to the pediatrician for checkup and vaccinations, but instead parents take their children to a ‘consultation bureau’), they noticed how clingy she was to me and advised me to ‘teach’ 2DD to be independent by letting her stay with someone else. I braced myself against this sort of advice, because I was following my instinct and was testing a hypothesis that I had developed over the years. Nonetheless, I would brood over what they had said because, if they were right and my hypothesis and instinct were wrong, then that would mean I was setting up 2DD for a total life of dependency (yikes!). She would never be able to do anything on her own without me. Even the thought of it was enough to give me palpitations, but I persevered 
. And thank goodness I did.
Today was a total success. 2DD is 2 years and 4 months old and when I left her today, she did not shed one tear! I give myself a HUGE pat on the back.
Okay, I confess it did not happen that quickly…
Here is how we pulled it off: 2DD had accompanied me on all three appointments with the teachers. These appointments all took place in her current classroom. During the first two appointments, she sat on my lap the whole time that we were there. Despite my efforts to put her down and have her go down the slide or play with some toys, she was adamant to stick to me. However, the third time we went there, she climbed out of my lap herself and strolled around the classroom. I tagged along and located a wooden stall filled with tiny horses – one of her favorite things. She played with them for about five minutes after which I pulled her away and told her it was time to go.
About roughly one month after that – today!—she went for her real first day.
I had told her during the last weeks a few times that she would be starting school and making new friends. I had no idea how much of that she had registered – until today, that is. When we walked together from home to her school, she herself showed me the main entrance as we approached it. Once we were inside, she knew exactly where we were headed to. She showed no resistance at all. Once we were inside, we did just like everybody else—took off her coat, put on house shoes, etc. — and it all went just fine !
I stayed most of the morning with her. During the last half hour of free play, I distanced myself from her and sat in another corner of the room as she played. She called for me several times and I told her to play and that I would sit there for a while. I sat there for 15 minutes as she ran back and forth a few times. After 15 minutes, I got up and told her that I was going to the bathroom and that I would be back. She looked at me gave a little nod and then went back to playing. I came back 15 minutes later to find out that she had not cried a bit and she had kept on playing and even joined a little trip to the bathroom with her teacher and another kid—not to pee, but to have a look!
SUCCESS!!! First day at preschool and not ONE tear shed.
Congratulations to 2DD and proud me!
If people tell you that the first day of school is always stressful and full of tears, here is my cup of cake for them:
- Timing and preparation is everything. Make sure to prepare children for any pre-planned, scheduled event, because any change in their daily lives will cause a certain level of stress. (Think of it this way: when something new is coming up—a new job, a big party, moving, etc.—even adults get stressed!)
- The parent has to learn to control their own feelings about the issue: keep a cool head and attitude and stay relaxed at all times. If the parent is having a hard time separating with the child, you can be certain that that child’s stress level will be multiplied by at least a factor of 2.
- Don’t compare your child’s situation with other children’s situation. Even though we like to talk about what needs to happen ‘normally’, keep in mind that every situation and every child is unique. Respect that uniqueness.
- Some crying is okay and is healthy, don’t try to prevent it or don’t worry about it. However, follow up on it. If your child is crying more than five minutes after you leave him, then something is definitely not right. Investigate. If your child’s crying is not showing signs of lessening after two weeks of school, then something is again definitely not right. Definitely investigate.
- Learn to trust your child and to trust yourself. We are all human beings and every one of us has different needs. Respect your children’s emotional needs. You are all they have at the beginning of their journey on this planet.
Read the next post: Don’t count your chickens before they hatch!
Tags: Amsterdam, cultural differences, Netherlands, preschool, school