Archive for April, 2010

I lie awake

Friday, April 30th, 2010

A pot of rose,

Heaps of prose,

Black crows,

Couldn’t disclose

The hatred that I felt for those

Those who robbed me of my baby

Those who took away the best days of my life

Those whose woes I took for my own

Years of self torment

All for what? I lament

Hefty price to pay

For miserable, sorrowful days.

-

Who are these people?

They say they have the right

What a fright!

Souls as dark as night

Wielding ropes that bind

A mother’s might

A child’s sight

Putting out all light

On and on they fight

All for what? I lament

Hefty price to pay

For miserable, sorrowful days.

-

I open my eyes to the new day

The dawn breaks

Darkness fades

But the nightmare remains

I daresay I made a mistake

For Heaven’s sake

I pray to God to make it all okay

I have a headache, a heartache

But I lie awake.

-

Honolulu

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

Mother considered that a moment, then got up, went to her wardrobe chest, and opened the bottom drawer. She rooted about inside, finally pulling out a carefully folded wrapping cloth. Sitting again, she unfolded it: it was a beautiful patchwork cloth with a green border enclosing a checkerboard of dozens of little rectangles and squares—red, yellow, gold, green, brown, blue, and black.

“You see these?” She pointed out a half dozen of the black rectangles, scattered randomly across the checkerboard. “I added these on the day my mother died, many years ago, because that was my mood that day. There is no pattern to where I placed them, as there is no sense to be made of death. One’s eye may not go to them first, but next to them the blues look bluer, the reds richer, the golds more brilliant. Without them the cloth is pretty, but without character or contrast.”

“Yes,” I said quietly. “I see.”

excerpt from Honolulu (2009) by Alan Brennert

When I read this, I felt the truth of these words reverberate deep in my bones.

Lately, I have been thinking about all the happiness wishes that we generously bestow upon each other on birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, etc. When I was pregnant, I wished for a happy, healthy baby with 10 fingers and 10 toes who would grow up with both parents in wealth and prosperity—and so did my friends and everybody else in my family. Who wishes it to be otherwise?

However, things are not always rosy in life.

There is nothing wrong with making a ‘good’ wish, but when it does not materialize… What does it mean? Did I not make a wish from the bottom of my heart? Or do I not deserve to be granted my wish? Or does God play dice with our lives?

When something ‘bad’ happens, then what? Am I being punished? Or were there not enough ‘good’ wishes made for me? Or was it my fault?

When I was agonizing over the unfortunate events that befell me, a friend of mine recommended a book to me: When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner. I was happy that somebody finally had an answer for me! And yes, I presume to be a ‘good’ person :-) Anyways, to cut a long story short, the book did not answer all of my questions. Since then, I have been grappling with this question and looking at other people’s lives…

And then, of course, there is all this new age stuff that talks about ‘Positive Thinking’ or the ‘Law of Attraction’. So in a way, I must have attracted all those unfortunate events because of my ‘faulty’, ‘negative’ thought patterns… Okay, I confess, maybe partly so :-)

But then, can someone explain to me all those innocent babies born into poverty or physical disability? Did their negative and faulty thoughts in the womb (or before the womb–if you believe in reincarnation) materialize when they were born???

In Alan Brennert’s book, when her mother explained to Jin (who was named ‘Regret’ at birth, because she was not a boy) why she put the black rectangles on the patchwork cloth, something hit home with me. That was it! This was a beautiful and poignant answer to my question. So, thank you Alan for putting it so eloquently!

Honolulu is the story of a Korean picture bride in the early 1900s. It is a story of oppressions: oppression of Korean women by their husbands and families, oppression of Koreans by the Japanese, oppression of immigrants and local Hawaiians by the White ‘masters’—called the “Big Five”.

Despite the dismal aspects of an oppressed life, Alan does a wonderful job of weaving a story of perseverance, endurance and hope.

That’s what life is about, I guess: The good and the bad together. Just like night and day, just like laughter and tears, just like birth and death, just like yin yang. Both good people and bad people get their share of good things and bad things in life.

If there were no darkness, we would never appreciate light. But then, it is the presence of light that makes darkness a ‘bad’ thing. Imagine if we all lived in the dark and never knew sunlight… Because we would not know otherwise, we would continue to live in darkness without seeking light. Now that I think about it, maybe that’s what happens with people who are depressed. Having been there and done that, I know how difficult it is to get out of that big, black hole. “What’s the point?” I used to ask myself, because I could not see any light.

Yet that is what life is about—with all its ups and downs. There is definitely thunder and rain sometimes, but also sunshine afterwards… And, I must say, even sunshine gets hot and boring if it lasts too long :-)

VVD wil verplichte taaltoets voor peuters = VVD wants mandatory language test for 3-year-olds

Sunday, April 11th, 2010

This is a piece of news from Amsterdam. All 3-year-olds must do a language test before they start school. Those who do not know enough Dutch will get additional Dutch lessons before they start school.

How utterly brilliant…

The VVD party hopes to reduce the ‘cause’ of school dropouts by testing 3-year-olds for language. Those parents who do not wish to participate will get penalized through reduction of their kinderbijslag (child support payments by the government).

The situation in this country never ceases to amaze me. There is strong stereotyping here against immigrants from certain countries—they even get this special name ‘allochtoon’. The word is derived from Ancient Greek (ἀλλος=other, foreign; χθων=earth, land) and literally means ‘from another land’. It sounds quite harmless indeed, but the word has acquired an additional negative load over the years and now means much more than just an ‘immigrant’. Wikipedia has a very nice article on the word and how it is used in everyday language (in Dutch!—unfortunately if you want to read the English version, you don’t get this information… makes me wonder why?)

Here it goes:

In everyday language, the word ‘allochtoon’ is used to refer to one of the following:

  1. A person belonging to a culturally segregated group,
  2. A person who cannot speak good Dutch,
  3. A ‘gastarbeider’ or the offspring of a ‘gastarbeider’(=guest worker—this term refers to cheap labor imported during 1970’s and 1980’s mostly out of Morocca and Turkey, but also from Italy, Spain, and Portugal. These people were eventually expected to return to their homeland, but most of them settled in the Netherlands and the word ‘gastarbeider’ became somewhat derogatory over the years.)
  4. A person whose skin color is not white,
  5. A person who is not of Dutch ethnic origin.

These immigrants were summoned and welcomed for a purpose—to provide cheap labor—in the beginning, but then they were expected to go back to where they came from when they were no longer needed. They were no longer welcome. However, these immigrants are people and they also have a mind of their own and are entitled to make their own choices. Unfortunately, when they made the ‘wrong’ choice, i.e., chose to stay in the Netherlands when their time was up, the Dutch did not like it at all. The initial warm welcome that the Dutch endowed upon these immigrants turned into bitterness and regret over the years. So much so that it has turned the society into highly segregated groups living under the guise and pretense of equality. The Dutch take great pride in their tolerance, yet they know nothing of tolerance: it’s simply indifference. And their indifference to the different cultures that live amongst them has come at a great societal cost where they can no longer afford to be indifferent any more.

These immigrants who have stayed and produced their offspring in the Netherlands now constitute a ‘problem’ for the ‘Dutch’. The ‘gastarbeiders’ were never integrated into the society in the first place, because they were supposed to leave in the end (when was the ‘end’ is a bit unclear). Thus, what do these ‘gastarbeiders’ do in a country where they are supposed to work without knowing the language and without knowing the ways of the people? They work together; they stick together; they live together; they pray together; they find comradeship and comfort in each other’s company. They are like people stranded on an island—except the island is surrounded not by water, but by the Dutch people who have summoned these people to work for them. They are slaves working for their masters. However, the good masters are only interested in the work of their slaves—nothing else.

What happens over time? Immigrant neighborhoods grow: more immigrants come, some start to bring in their family members, some start new families… There are children being born into these neighborhoods… These children grow up on these ‘islands’ not knowing about the sea surrounding them. At some point, these children have to sail out into the sea, i.e., they have to go to school.

This is the point where the ‘Dutch’ realize they have a ‘problem’ on their hands: these children do not know Dutch; they don’t know the ways of the people. The teachers don’t know how to handle these children, because they don’t know about these children. These children are like ‘aliens’ in the classrooms: they look different, they talk different, they act different. They come from a different culture. These children are referred to as ‘second generation’. They were born in the Netherlands, but at least one of their parents comes from another country.

Just stop and think for a second and put yourself in these children’s shoes. How would you feel?

I will tell you how I would feel. I would immediately start looking for safe ground. If the teacher does not understand what I say and does not make an effort to understand me, I would immediately take a dislike to the teacher and to the school system in general. The ‘natives’ would be like aliens to me and I would steer as far away from them as possible. I would try to share my experiences at home, but they would not have a clue of what I would be going through and could not even begin to help me deal with my problems at school and how to bridge the language gap. Because you see, my parents don’t speak the language… I would look for friends who would be like me and who would understand me. Friends who felt as torn inside as I do: with nobody really understanding what we were going through–neither family nor society… Eventually, we would start to loathe the ‘natives’ and family who do nothing to understand us, yet continue to demand that we understand and obey their ways—and punish us when we don’t. We would start to think why we have to do what we are told to do. What could be OUR way of dealing with life? Eventually, we might even consider rebellion…

Is it a surprise then that there are a lot of ‘problematic’ youth gangs in the Netherlands?

Is it a surprise that this ‘second generation’ youth is out of control and they drop out of school in big numbers?

Is it a surprise that this ‘second generation’ youth does not speak Dutch like the ‘Dutch’? Is it because their mother tongue is creating a barrier and preventing them to integrate into the Dutch culture and language? Do they really have an accent or have they DELIBERATELY developed an accent to stand apart from the ‘natives’?

The bilingual research says children are perfectly capable of acquiring two languages–even though the languages are not learned at the same time. Moreover, there is evidence that children who speak two languages have higher intellectual capacity compared to children who speak only one language. So what is the ‘problem’ with these children in this country?

I think the ‘problem’ lies with the ‘Dutch’ themselves. They like to point their fingers at ‘others’ without pointing it at themselves. They need to turn the tables around and try to understand these children and where they are coming from. They need to make them feel at home. What these children need is understanding, compassion, and love. These children are not here because of their own choice. They are here because the ‘Dutch’ needed their parents to work for them. They are not aliens from another planet. They are children and they are smart children, who just don’t happen to have it easy…

Given the scientific evidence that even the IQ of a child cannot be properly determined before they are 5 years old (and even then the tests can be misleading), starting to test their language at 3 years of age is an unfounded and arbitrary decision.

Instead, give them an ear and listen to them. Show some compassion. Love them.

I think that’s all they need: when they are children… Once they grow up, it may be too late. And giving language tests to THEIR children (so-called the ‘third generation’) is definitely not going to solve the problem…

Unfortunately, I suspect that at this point in time, both the ‘Dutch’ and the ‘immigrants’ have run out of compassion, love, and understanding for each other. The ‘Dutch’ just want all the ‘immigrants’ to go back home. Is that plausible? Where is home NOW for these ‘immigrants’ who came and settled here decades ago?

Just stop and think for a moment…

Helpful Links:

  1. VVD wil verplichte taaltoets voor peuters
  2. Allochtoon
  3. Gastarbeider

Tips on raising a trilingual child

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

My two-year-old daughter (DD2) is bravely tackling three languages at the same time. I took an inventory of the actual words that she can say in all the three languages when she was 29 months old. Of course, her understanding is much more than what she can vocalize. Frankly, before I took this inventory, I had the absurd thought that she could not speak much, but when I started writing down all that she could actually utter, I was actually baffled by the amount of her vocabulary! At 29 months, her vocabulary is comprised of about 300 words of which 55% is in Turkish, 40% is in Dutch, and 5% is in English.

On average, a 30-month-old monolingual child has a vocabulary somewhere between 300 to 650 words. However, there is greater variation in language development with bi/trilingual children. It’s not uncommon for bi/trilingual children to start speaking much later compared to monolingual children. I guess it must be more time-consuming to digest more than one language at the same time!

Thus, we come to the problematic area of how these children can end up being ‘behind’ in the majority language compared to their monolingual classmates in the classroom—especially in the very beginning, but don’t worry, they DO catch up later and do just as good (and sometimes even better!) than the others.

In fact, recent research shows that the learning capacity of bilingual children is greater compared to monolingual children. This is due to the fact that young children’s brains make more neuronal connections when constantly exposed to more than one language and more neuronal connections means these children can absorb even more material compared to their monolingual peers and with less stress! Our brain is a wondrous device—not at all like a hard drive which can run out of memory at some point, quite the opposite: the more we learn, the more we can learn.

Ironically, even though this research is being conducted by Dutch researchers, it is far from being accepted as a norm in the Netherlands. Here in the Netherlands, the government (through the ‘consultation bureau’, which follows the growth and development of healthy children) encourages parents who speak another language at home to send their children to ‘voorschool’ (sort of a preschool starting at 2.5 years of age) so that these children can learn Dutch by the time they are ready to go to school.

That’s what we did. DD2 goes three days a week for 2.5 hours a day and her Dutch has improved drastically since she started one month ago. In fact, the amount of Dutch words she knows has tripled and almost caught up with her Turkish and she has now switched totally to speaking Dutch and I find myself ‘forcing’ her to speak Turkish to me!

I did a quick search on the web on good tips to raise a trilingual child and here they are:

1. The child needs to be exposed to the language in a natural way.

This means you need to talk to your kid in the language that feels most natural to you. For most people, this is their mother tongue – but then we have the bilingual parents! What language should bilingual parents use to talk to their kid? If it feels natural to speak in both, that’s okay. The important thing to keep in mind is to keep the integrity of both languages, i.e., if you decide to make a sentence in Chinese, don’t include English words in the sentence. Try not to make language soup!

2. OPOL – One Parent One Language

This is one of the popular ‘techniques’ recommended to raise bilingual children for parents who do not share the same mother language. It means each parent sticks to their own language and thus the child grows up naturally in a bilingual home environment. However, each parent has to find other means to supplement the language of their choice, i.e., socialize directly with other people using the same language; watch TV; read; play; visit the country where the language is spoken. You have to give the child another ‘good’ reason (besides yourself!) to speak that language, or else it will be difficult to get her to talk in that language in the long run!

3. ML@H – Minority Language at Home

This is the situation where the minority language is the ‘home’ language – even though it may not be the native language of the parents. The idea is that by creating a ‘home’ language independent of what happens in the outside world, there is greater consistency and clear-cut boundaries with language choice. (Don’t we all parents know the golden rule of consistency—best discipline tool for children, but hard to stick to!!!) A disadvantage of this method is that children learn the language of the ‘majority’ later, which may cause worrying for some parents. For those worrying parents: Keep in mind children are miraculous creatures! As long as the children are exposed to the majority language, they will catch up eventually (usually by the time they are 5). It’s the minority language that you need to worry about, which is in danger of disappearing eventually!

What I observe happening most of the time with children is that the ‘majority’ language becomes dominant after a period of time. How to keep the other languages alive?

  1. Be strict: Insist on using the language at home.
  2. Continue to create new experiences using the language: Travel, visit the grandparents, help them mix with the local crowd, find international student exchange programs, etc.
  3. Make it ‘cool’ to speak the language: Find a celebrity they like, who sings in that language; find stuff/toys only available in the country where the language is spoken.

Last but not the least; remember that children’s language preference tends to shift towards those whom they befriend. Tip for parents: be a ‘friendly’ and strict parent if you want them to speak your language! How to be friendly and strict? I have not found the magic formula yet, but I am working on it!  :-)

Helpful links:

  1. Tweetalig onderwijs stimuleert leercapaciteit bij kinderen
  2. Raising bilingual children: the different methods to success
  3. Forum: Rules of trying to raise a child trilingual